Diary 9/7/08

Today was a great day. I had a good breakfast I felt good and I had a great day at work, it was just an awesome day. I spend so much time at home. I don't go to the club or go out drinking, I don't go dancing and frankly I don't have the desire to do it. I just feel like being at home...alone....by myself with my own thoughts and me as my own company. It seems a little strange at times, but I like it. I like being at home, I don't want to got out. I thought I was alone in that until someone sent me a message saying they felt the same way. It was such a blessing to know that I'm not the only one, I'm not a weirdo. God has done me the favor of taking the desire to drink, date, party, club and stay out late out of my system. Not saying sometimes I don't feel like going salsa dancing or something, but I know I'm really close to something great and I just don't want to mess it up.

I asked God for wisdom, strength, enormous faith and a host of other things. I guess when you ask Him for something, He sort of takes you the round about way. In my closet I am learning complete dependence on God. He's fostering that mountain moving faith in me. He's challenging every thought in my mind that conflicts with His plans for my life. I know that if I hold on through this season, the great things I've been expecting from Him will manifest themselves.

I happen to believe I can have anything I desire, if I believe it and speak it with full confidence, not wavering. God has been blessing me and showing me through the small things that He is working on my behalf and He will continue to do these small thing and much greater things if I just trust and believe.

Being a Christian can feel strange at times because you don't always fit in. I feel very alone sometimes, but I don't feel lonely. I am content with me and God. Perhaps I should want to do more, but I don't. I am focused on the future and the things I want to accomplish. God has mercifully delivered me from the hands of the enemy and I will live victorious from this day forward.

The enemy comes in so many shapes and forms, but God always lets you know whats wrong and what's right. what's of Him and what's not. God is so merciful and so just. He's loving compassionate and such a great friend. I have found myself about to make life altering, potentially devastating decisions and God has stepped in and said, "No, don't do it. That decision is not best." I would have ruined my life because it didn't seem wrong and it didn't seem like a bad decision, but God knew. I've gone against that voice before and I am oh to familiar with what happens when you don't listen to it. I lived for about 7 years in unhappiness and turmoil.

So, with all that said, I am happy to be in seclusion with God. I'm happy to be the weirdo that God is pleased with. I really long for that day when I meet God face to face, that day I can rest in His arms and say thank you for keeping me when I couldn't keep myself. When I had no where to go and no one to turn to, You were there. When I was sleeping in my car, or sleeping with someone I had no business, you were there, protecting me, shielding me, guiding me, hiding me from the enemy, even when the enemy was me.

Thank you God for you everlasting love. Why your favor rests upon me I could never explain, but I AM so glad you love me that much. I love You Father.